Kung Fu Panda: Moments in Time
by Empressimperia
Summary: A series of oneshots that consist mainly of kfp related thoughts and reader requests. Rated T just in case.
1. Calm before the Storm

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kung Fu Panda. This applies to all the stories.  
**

**About this one-shot… I've always wondered what went on in Tai Lung's head during all those years in prison. This is my imagination of his thoughts during his first appearance in the first film.**

* * *

My ears prick at the sound of the many doors of my prison opening one by one.

"Oh my…" I hear the faint, distant voice of a man in fear.

I keep my eyes closed as the last door opens and the drawbridge falls. I feel the ground quake slightly beneath my knees as the heavy bridge falls.

"Behold… Tai Lung."

I hear the voice of that cursed warden, the one they call Vachir. Mongolian for 'thunderbolt'.

'Thunderbolt' indeed!

For twenty years, my sensitive ears have listened to that wrinkly old rhino brag about how his prison was inescapable, how I was completely at his mercy. For a leader of the Anvil of Heaven, Commander 'Thunderbolt' sure did a lot more talking than fighting. In my opinion, Vachir is just thunder. The kind of thunder that rumbles all day yet never flashes its lightning.

"Uh… I'll just wait here." Says the voice full of fear.

I open my eyes very slightly, and see that the person standing next to 'Thunder' was a goose. A palace goose from the Jade Palace, judging from his glossy attire.

I am surprised. What was a palace goose doing here after all these years? The prison is 'inescapable', and everyone at the palace, even _Shifu_, has surely forgotten all about me by now. To them, I am just a bad memory. A memory of someone who was betrayed twice in one day and was imprisoned for trying to obtain justice.

My thoughts are interrupted when Vachir laughs at the goose's cowardice.

"Hehehe… it's nothing to worry about. It's perfectly safe."

I hear a 'whack' and an 'oof' as the goose is smacked forward.

I close my eyes again as the near-silent steps of the goose and the thundering footfalls of the warden traverse the drawbridge and approach my island.

"Crossbows, at the ready!" Vachir yells.

I hear clunking and scraping as the large crossbows surrounding my island all train their spears in my direction.

I hear the sound of the footsteps change slightly as the goose and the warden step from wood to stone.

"Hey, tough guy?"

There he goes again, I think, anger building in my stomach but unnoticeable from the outside. Every now and then, in his arrogance and brutality, he comes down here and torments me. I despise those times, as they serve to remind me of my downfall at the Jade Palace. I never hated anyone more than Vachir and the times he comes down here, with the obvious exception of my former master and his silence when Oogway had refused me what was rightfully mine.

"Did you hear?" I feel the heat from the torch he's holding as he walks past me and stops right behind. "Oogway's finally going to give someone the Dragon Scroll… and it's _not_ going to be you!"

My heart skips a beat.

My breathing stops.

And then a rage that I haven't felt since my denial fills my entire body, burning my mind and searing in my chest.

How dare he?

How dare that wrinkly, scaly old fool give away the secret to limitless power to someone who did not deserve it?

How DARE he?

"What are you doing, don't get him mad!" The goose yells.

Too late for that, I think.

"What's he going to do about it?" Vachir asks. I feel his eyes gazing at me with contempt. A feeling that is more than mutual. "I've got him completely immobilized."

And he stomps on my tail.

The pain is indescribable, but the paralyzing tortoise shell prevents me from doing anything other than breathing just a little harder.

The goose jumps back, expecting a much more violent reaction. Vachir laughs, but I think, _yes, goose. Be afraid. Be very afraid._

Vachir leans down, and I feel his foul, hot breath graze my cheek.

"Awww, did I step on the witty kitty's tail? _Awwwww…_"  
What I wouldn't have given to have been able to rip his throat out at that very moment.

"Okay… I've seen enough!" says the goose. Vachir seems to silently agree, and he stands up and leads the goose back across the drawbridge, once again leaving me alone on the island.

"I'll just tell Shifu that he's got nothing to worry about…"

"No he doesn't!" Vachir says coldly.

Again, I am surprised. So it was Shifu who had sent the goose. And after all these years, he's started to worry about my potential escape. I wonder why.

"Okay, I'll tell him… can we please go now?" Is the last thing I hear before the drawbridge rises back up and the many doors slide shut with echoing bangs.

For a moment, all is once again silent… and that's when the feather comes fluttering down.

My eyes snap wide open a second after the feather lands silently on the stone right in front of me.

At long last, an opportunity has risen.

Quick as a flash, I whip out my tail, the only part of my body I can move, and snatch the feather before anyone can see it.

_Just you wait, 'Thunder'_… I think, my smile hidden by the darkness. _Just you wait…_

* * *

**Not my best work, I know. It's just a warm up. Don't worry, the next one's going to be better.**

**I'm also taking requests for story ideas. As long as they're not inappropriate (M-rated) just send me your request through reviews and/or private messaging. Thanks. **


	2. Up Close and Personal

**A Tigress/Shifu one shot. Before you all start retching, it's a father-daughter relationship, not the romantic kind. Just to be clear. Anyway, I came up with this one shot after learning that there was going to be an LOA episode called 'Shifu's Back'.**

* * *

"Faster, Tigress!" Shifu snapped. "You are not twisting your body far enough!"  
Six year old Tigress did not reply, and simply continued to follow her master's instructions and flip constantly across the rim of the jade tortoise bowl. The goal of this exercise was to develop your ability to flexibly traverse a moving object without losing balance and falling off. So far, Tigress was improving; she managed to flip around the rim of the bowl for six minutes before finally misjudging her landing and toppling into the bowl. When she emerged, her expression was one of self-anger and apologetic sadness.

Twenty years ago, Shifu would have congratulated Tigress for doing so well so far, and urged her to try again. But after Tai Lung, he had vowed to never shower any of his future students with praise again.

"Enough." Shifu stepped forward. "Come out of there, and I'll give you a demonstration."

Tigress did as she was told, leaping down from the bowl as Shifu leapt on.

"Now watch me…" Shifu took a second to make sure his balance was perfect. "Tigress, are you paying attention?"

"Yes, Master." Tigress's wide amber eyes were fixed on the red panda standing on the rim of the jade tortoise.

"Good. Now watch my movements carefully…" Shifu took a deep breath as he prepared for the lightning fast series of flips he was about to perform.

All of a sudden, he leapt in a wide arc over the inside of the bowl, twisted his body to flip in midair…

And cried out as a sudden, stabbing, searing pain shot up his spine. As his back seized up, Shifu collided with the rim of the bowl and bounced inside, rolling to a stop at the bottom.

"Shifu!"

In her fright, the young Tigress had forgotten to add 'Master' to Shifu's name. Five seconds after Shifu had fallen, Tigress had leapt onto the rim and was now staring down in concern at her master. Shifu was lying on his back at the very bottom of the bowl, staring up at Tigress with a mixture of pain and anger.

"Master Shifu, are you alright?" Tigress asked in terror.

It took a while for Shifu to answer.

"I'm… fine!" He said through gritted teeth.

"What happened?" Tigress asked.

"My back seized up!" Shifu snapped.

"Do you want me to get help?" Tigress asked. It was a habit of hers to always ask permission from Shifu before she did anything.

"No! Give me a minute…" Shifu attempted to push himself up, but collapsed back to the bottom of the bowl with a shout of pain.

"Master, are you stuck?" Tigress asked innocently.

"Stuck?" Shifu glared up at Tigress as he again failed to get to his feet. "Me… a kung fu master of fifty years… _stuck_? Don't be ridiculous, you silly girl! Who ever heard of a powerful master being stuck at the bottom of a giant bowl… do you honestly think that just because I'm old that I can't get out of a stupid jade semicircle… yes, I'm stuck."

Shifu turned bright red beneath his fur as Tigress fought the urge to giggle.

"I'll get help!" Tigress turned to leap off the rim.

"No!" Shifu snapped again. "Grab one of the bamboo staffs and come back here!"

Tigress leapt off the rim, and Shifu's sensitive ears caught the sound of her small footsteps as she ran over to the weapons rack and grabbed a staff. Then she reappeared on the rim with the staff in hand.

"Right, now hand one end of the staff down to me, and then pull me up!"

"Uh…" Tigress hesitated. "Are you sure that's a good idea, Master?"

"Are you questioning your master?" Shifu snapped.

"No, no!"

"Then do as you're told and hand the staff down to me!"

Tigress lowered one end of the staff into the bowl. Despite its length, she still had to lean forward so that the staff was low enough for Shifu to reach.

"A bit more, Tigress!" Shifu said.

"If I lean any more, I might lose my balance!" Tigress replied.

"If you know what's good for you, you'll lean a bit more!" Shifu growled.

Tigress blinked, then leaned forward just enough so that Shifu could wrap his hands round the very end of the staff. He felt a twinge of guilt for speaking to the girl so harshly, but the twinge of pain in his back was stronger.

"Alright…" Shifu adjusted his grip. "On the count of three, you pull up, and I'll pull to help you."

Tigress nodded silently.

"One…" Tigress braced herself. "Two…" Shifu tightened his grip on the staff. "Three!"

Tigress was about to pull when Shifu, in his agitation and impatience, yanked on the staff abruptly.

Tigress squealed as the sudden pull caused her to lose her balance and fall headfirst into the bowl.

Shifu's eyes widened with alarm as Tigress fell in his direction.

"Holy-_oof_!"

The air whooshed from his lungs as Tigress landed flat out on top of him, her knee accidentally making contact with his stomach.

"Sorry!" Tigress yelped and made to get up, but the movement sent fresh waves of pain through Shifu's back, and he impulsively grabbed her small arms and pulled her close.

"Don't move!" Shifu gasped. "You're making my back spasm!"

Tigress immediately stopped moving, and for a couple of minutes, the two lay in silence, one on top of the other, at the bottom of the jade tortoise.

After a while, Shifu glared at the small tiger girl lying on top of him, ready to give her the scolding of her life.

"Tigress…" He began, his voice dripping with venom.

Before he could continue, Tigress burst into tears.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm _so_ sorry!" She wailed. "I'm sorry! I didn't do that on purpose! I'm such a stupid idiot!"

Shifu opened his mouth to agree… but then faltered as he felt Tigress's tears drip down onto his robes. He realized that in her torment, Tigress had wrapped her arms round him and was sobbing into his chest. She looked so vulnerable, whimpering with guilt and self-loathing.

A feeling of intense guilt flooded Shifu's body, even overcoming the pain in his back.

What was he thinking, scolding Tigress for something that wasn't even her fault? It was his darn fault for yanking so hard on the staff while Tigress was unprepared!

His angry expression faded.

"Tigress…" He repeated, his tone now calm and soothing.

"I'm such an idiot! I'm so stupid!" Tigress didn't even look up at him. Shifu guessed that she was afraid to see the angry, disappointed expression that she was probably expecting.

"Tigress…" Shifu repeated a little louder. "You're not a stupid idiot. You're just a little girl."

Those very words, the words he had told her once before during their first meeting at Bao Gu Orphanage, finally ceased Tigress's cries. She looked up at him with wide, tear stained eyes.

"But…" she started.

"No, Tigress. It's my fault that this happened." Shifu spoke gently. "I shouldn't have pulled so hard."

It was a while before either of them spoke again.

"Uh…" Tigress paused. "We're going to be stuck here for a while, aren't we?"

Shifu simply nodded.

"Should we try yelling for help?"

"A kung fu master shouting for help?" Shifu raised an eyebrow. "It'll never happen."

Tigress fell silent.

Hours passed.

Eventually the sun sank over the horizon and day turned into night.

Tigress yawned and blinked at the injured red panda stuck beneath her.

"Master Shifu…"

"Yes?"

"Do you think we should call for help now?"

"Absolutely not."

"Oh." Tigress yawned again. "But it's getting really late…" She lowered her head onto Shifu's chest. "… and I'm supposed to be in bed by now…"

"Oh no!" Shifu stared. "Do not fall asleep on me!"

Tigress raised her head again.

"I'm sorry! I'll try to stay awake."

Another hour later, Tigress's eyelids were starting to droop. Her body started to relax as she slowly began to give in to her need to sleep.

"No, don't go to sleep!" Shifu said again. He was about to repeat himself in a louder voice when he caught sight of Tigress's head resting on his chest. Her eyelids were nearly shut, and her mouth was half open, her soft breath reaching through the fabric of his robes and warming his skin. She looked absolutely adorable.

"Tigress…" He whispered, but Tigress had already given in to sleep.

Shifu sighed and relaxed his neck, the back of his head thudding lightly against the cold surface of the tortoise bowl. Now he was well and truly stuck until morning.

But still… the sight of the little girl calmly sleeping on his body filled him with a feeling he had never felt before. It was a warm feeling that blossomed in his chest and made him smile just a little. He had not felt such a feeling in thirty years, since the last time he had held a young Tai Lung close to him before he became a teenager.

_What's wrong with me?_ Shifu thought. _Why has this warm feeling returned after so long? Is it because of her or…_ and then it hit him.

It was because he loved her.

Not the romantic kind of love. It was the kind of love that a typical parent felt for his child. The kind of love that Shifu hadn't felt since finding an infant Tai Lung on his doorstep so long ago…

No, the idea was ridiculous.

He had just taken Tigress in as a student; that was very different from finding Tai Ling on a doorstep and taking him in as his son. There was no reason for him to love her as a daughter…

_But you adopted her from an orphanage, didn't you? So doesn't that technically make her your daughter?_

"I'm such an idiot…" Shifu whispered.

He gazed at the little girl sleeping peacefully on his torso. Then a sudden idea came to him.

After Tai Lung's incarceration, Shifu had vowed to never show any of his future students affection or praise, so that they would never feel special and swell up with corruptive pride. But Tigress was sleeping right now.

Would it really hurt to show a little affection now, while she was currently unaware of what he was doing?

Very slowly, his arms moved up Tigress's sides, but well away from her hips. The child stirred slightly, causing him to freeze, but she remained fast asleep. Shifu's arms slid over her back, so now he was lightly embracing her. That was what he had originally planned to do… but Tigress looked so innocent and adorable that the temptation was too much.

Shifu tightened his embrace a little more, pressing his adoptive daughter deeper into his body…

"Ah, there you are."  
Shifu nearly jumped.

Suddenly materializing on the rim of the bowl was an ancient tortoise holding a peach wood staff.

"Master Oogway!" Shifu whispered loudly, causing Tigress to stir again.

"The palace servants have been looking all over for you." Oogway spoke. Then he caught sight of the sleeping Tigress and a grin appeared on his face.

"This is not what it looks like!" Shifu pleaded.

"Oh really?" Oogway raised an eyebrow. "It looks very much to me that your back seized up and Tigress fell on top of you while trying to help."

Shifu blinked.

"Do you need some help, Shifu?" Oogway asked.

"Yes, I would." Shifu sighed. "Get Tigress out first, but don't wake her."

And so Oogway, with the grace and agility expected of the creator of kung fu, gently lifted Tigress from the bowl and held her safely in the crook of his arm.

"I'll be right back, Shifu." Oogway whispered so as not to wake her. "I just need to get her to bed."  
Oogway disappeared. He reappeared a few minutes later and lowered the end of his staff down to Shifu.

"Grab on and I'll pull you out." Said Oogway. "And try not to yank this time."

Shifu scowled and grabbed the end of the staff. Oogway effortlessly pulled him out and then supported him as they made their way to Shifu's quarters.

"We'll get your back treated in the morning." Said Oogway. "By the way, would you mind telling me why I found you embracing the young girl, after you had explicitly vowed to never show affection to your students again?"

"Yes, I would mind very much." Shifu muttered.

Oogway chuckled knowingly.

* * *

**Probably not the best ending.**

**Anyway, remember what I said about requests! And don't forget to review!**


	3. Favorite Colors

**This is a request from xxxkungfupandagirlxxx. If you're reading this, I hope you enjoy what you've asked for.**

* * *

Shifu stared with wide eyes as Po and Tigress stepped into the hall of warriors holding up the Statue of Master Oogway… with a thick black chain shackled to their wrists.

"What happened?" He rushed forward. "Where did that chain come from?"

"It's a long story." Po said as he and Tigress carefully set down the precious statue. "One involving croc bandits and a stolen ruby."

"Could you excuse us, Master?" Tigress adjusted the ruby to make sure it wouldn't fall out of the slot. "We need to head to the kitchen for some honey."

"Honey?" Shifu blinked.

"To get the cuffs off." Said Po. "See ya!"

Po and Tigress quickly headed out the hall before Shifu could say any more.

A few minutes later, Po and Tigress breathed a simultaneous sigh of relief as the honey-soaked cuffs slipped from their wrists and clattered on the floor.

"Finally!" Tigress breathed. "Po, you were right when you said that honey could do anything."

"Anything except fight croc bandits." Po rubbed a bruise on his forehead. "By the way… you still haven't answered my question. What's your favorite color?"

Tigress groaned.

Were they _seriously_ going over this again?

"Why is it so important for you to know what my favorite color is?" she asked.

"Why can't you just tell me?" Po pouted childishly.

"I've told you several times…" Tigress rolled her eyes. "I don't have a favorite color!"

"Don't be silly. Everyone has a favorite color!" Po replied.

"Well I'm not everyone!"

"I didn't say that! You know what…" Po got up from his chair. "I'm going to go round to the others and find out _their_ favorite colors."

"Why would you do that?" Tigress blinked.

"Because I know _they_ will tell me their favorite colors! See you in a bit!" Po strode out the kitchen.

* * *

"What's my favorite color?" Mantis blinked, momentarily distracted from his duel with the wooden warriors.

"What's your favorite color?" Po repeated.

"Why would you ask that?" Mantis hopped out the danger zone and stepped up to his friend.

"Tigress won't tell me her favorite color. So what's yours?" Po waited expectantly.

"I'm not sure…" Mantis rubbed his chin in thought. "I've never thought about what my favorite color is… but if I had to decide, it would be white. Dull white."

"Dull white?" Po grinned. "May I ask why?"

"It always reminds me of your awesome noodle soup. The white radish slices are my favorite." Mantis replied. "Speaking of which, what's the secret ingredient?"

"Not telling."

"Darn."

"Hey, do you know what Tigress's favorite color is?" Po asked.

"Sorry, buddy, I don't. But if I had to guess, it would be red."

"Red?"

"She's worn that red vest for as long as I can remember."

"Alright… thanks Mantis!"

* * *

"Hey, Monkey." Po stepped into the training hall courtyard, where Monkey was lifting himself on a pull up bar.

"Hi, Po." Monkey waved with one arm, the other continuing to lift the primate up and down.

"Monkey, what's your favorite color?"

"Yellow." Monkey said at once. "Bananas are my favorite food."

He jumped down and peeled one of that said fruit.

"Why do you ask?"

"Tigress won't tell me what her favorite color is." Po replied. "Do you know what it is?"

"Pink."

"_Pink_?" Po blinked. "Really?"

"Yeah, really." Monkey smirked. "She's never said it, but pink has got to be her favorite color. I mean, that color is so unlikely for someone like her that it's _got_ to be her color!"

"Monkey, you do realize that if I ask Tigress and it turns out to be right, my life won't be worth five yuan." Po said.

"Then don't ask her!"

"But then how will I know if pink is her favorite color?"

"Of course it is! If it isn't I'll eat my hat!"

"You don't wear a hat."

"I'll eat Crane's, then."

* * *

"Crane, what's your favorite color?" Po asked as he stepped into Crane's room.

"My favorite color?" Crane looked up from his calligraphy.

"Yeah." Po said. "Tigress won't tell me her favorite color, so I'm going around asking for everyone else's. So what's your favorite color?"

"I don't really have a specific favorite color…" Crane said. "But if there's one color that I definitely like, it's blue. Azure blue."

"Azure blue?" Po asked. "Isn't that the color of Viper's eyes?"

"What? No it's not! Her eyes are cerulean!"

"Anyway…" Po fought the urge to laugh. "Do you know what Tigress's favorite color is?"

"Nope." Said Crane.

"Try and guess." Said Po. "Mantis and Monkey have both guessed."

"Really? What did they say?"

"Mantis says red and Monkey says pink."

"Alright then… my guess would be orange."

"Orange. Is that because her fur's orange?"

"Yeah."

"By the way…" Po pointed at Crane's head. "I'd better hide that hat for a while, just in case Monkey's guess is wrong."

* * *

Po eventually found Viper in the bathhouse. Very cautiously, he knocked on the door.

"Who is it?" Viper asked from inside.

"It's Po." Said Po. "I need to ask you something. Can I ask you now?"

"Unless it requires me coming out, or you coming in, then yes, you can ask me something."

"What's your favorite color?"

"Purple." Viper said after a couple of seconds. "I love the color purple."  
"Oh, great!" Po said.

"But I like violet too…" Viper said. "and indigo…"

"Purple will do just fine." Said Po.

"… and magenta… and plum… and orchid…"

"Viper…"

"… and lavender… and heliotrope… and fuchsia…"

"Viper…"

"… and amethyst… and fandango… and cerise…"

"Viper, purple will be just fine!" Po finally exclaimed.

"Oh, okay." Viper said.

"Do you know what Tigress's favorite color is?"

"No, I don't. Sorry. But it might be black. Just a wild guess."

* * *

"Master Shifu, what is your favorite color?"

Shifu was jolted from his meditation.

"Panda!" He snapped and whirled round to face Po. "Do not sneak up on people like that! I could have kicked you through those doors!"

"You already had." Po muttered.

"What do you want, Po?" Shifu sighed.

"What's your favorite color?"

"My favorite _what_?" Shifu blinked.

"You favorite color."

"Why do you want to know what my favorite color is?"

"Tigress won't tell me what her favorite color is."

"Oh really? I'd always thought that she didn't have a favorite color."

"Oh come on! Everyone has a favorite color! So what's yours?" Po asked again.

"If you must know, it's gold."

"Gold? I didn't know you were the greedy type."

"Not _that_ kind of gold!" Shifu snapped. "I like the color because it represents heroism. Now will you _please_ leave me in peace?"

"Oh, okay." Po turned to leave, but then stopped. "Hey, Shifu… I know you just said that Tigress doesn't have a favorite color."

"Indeed."

"Well… in the unexpected case that she does actually have a favorite color, what do you think it would be?"

Shifu paused to think.

"I strongly dislike guessing… but my guess would be blue."

* * *

Much to Po's surprise, Tigress was still in the kitchen.

"Well, I've gone round to everyone in the Jade Palace…" Po declared. "And every one of them has a favorite color."

"List them." Tigress spoke, leaning back in her chair and crossing her arms.

"Alright, alright…" Po began counting with his fingers. "Mantis likes dull white… Monkey likes yellow… Crane likes azure blue… Viper likes purple… well every shade of purple… and Shifu likes gold."

"Gold?" Tigress blinked. "I didn't know that was Shifu's favorite color."

"Anyway… now it's your turn." Po sat down on the chair opposite Tigress. "What's your favorite color?"

"Po, I've already told you… I don't have a favorite color. Or a favorite mushroom, for that matter."

At that moment, the kitchen doors opened, and the other members of the Furious Five and Master Shifu entered the room; it was dinner time.

"What's going on here?" Crane asked as he laid eyes on the panda and tiger sitting opposite each other.

"I'm trying to find out Tigress's favorite color." Po replied.

"And I'm telling him that I don't have one." Tigress spoke.

"Oh come on… there must be at least one color that you really like!" Po exclaimed.

Tigress groaned in frustration.

"Alright then… how about… _pink_!"

"Yes!" Monkey waved his fists in the air.

"You're kidding, aren't you?" Po asked.

"Yep." Tigress smirked.

Monkey lowered his arms in dismay.

"Crane…" He spoke up. "Can I have your hat?"

Crane backed away five steps.

"Tigress, I'm not going to let you leave this room until you sincerely tell me what color you like." Po said.

"I'm sorry, Po." Tigress sighed. "But I honestly can't think of a color."

"Alright then, how about this: think of something that makes you feel really happy, and then tell me what color it is."

Tigress stared.

"_Why?_"

"Because when someone has a favorite color, it's usually because that color represents something they really like or consider significant."

"Alright then, what's your favorite color, and why?" Tigress asked.

"My favorite color is peach." Said Po. "And that's because it's the color of the fruit. Peaches are my favorite food."

"Really?" Tigress asked. "I always thought that your favorite food was noodles."  
"My dad works in a noodle shop, so basically everyone thinks that." Po replied. "Now your turn."

"Po…"

"Just think of something that makes you happy, and tell me what color it is."

Tigress sighed again, and then began to think.

In her life, she had been ostracized in an orphanage for six years, then struggled to gain her master's approval for the remaining nineteen. As a result, there weren't very many things that made her feel happy. And so thinking of one was difficult…

And then her eyes locked with Po's… and blushed as she found herself staring deeply into those eyes which never judged her, were almost always filled with a child-like happiness, and were such a vivid, beautiful color…

"Green." She said. "Emerald green."

"Awesome!" Po yelled. "I knew you had a favorite color! Why?"

Tigress quickly looked away.

"Hey, it's alright." Said Po. "You don't have to tell me that if you don't want to. I'm just glad I finally got to know your favorite color. Alright, everyone, it's time for dinner!"

Tigress took one more glance at Po's emerald green eyes before the panda got up to cook the noodles.


	4. Kuo Returns Part 1

**Those of you who have read the KFP prequel 'Art of Balance' may be familiar with a certain psychotic antelope chef named Kuo. For those of you who haven't, in 'Art of Balance' Kuo blamed Mr. Ping and his recipes for his many failed restaurants, and so attempted to steal the recipes by holding Mr. Ping hostage. Fortunately, Po managed to rescue his father, and Kuo was flung into a wall by Master Shifu.**

**Now Kuo returns in a two part segment which will be spread out within this series of one shots. **

**In part one, Kuo returns to the Valley of Peace and exacts revenge on Mr. Ping… with very nauseating results!**

**WARNING: THIS CHAPTER IS NOT FOR THE WEAK-STOMACHED!**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

"_Carefully does it…_" Kuo barely whispered as he very slowly opened the back entrance to Mr. Ping's kitchen. He peered through the little crack in the doorway. The old goose was absent from the kitchen, busy collecting dirty dishes from the tables full of customers that he did not deserve.

Perfect.

Kuo crawled on all fours through the door and into the kitchen, ducking his head so his horns wouldn't be visible above the counter.

Kuo headed straight for the pan of dumplings just beneath the counter. Glancing quickly at the stairs, Kuo carefully pulled out a small sack.

_Be quick!_

Kuo grabbed an empty radish basket and poured the dumplings inside, completely emptying the pan. Then he opened the small sack and refilled the pan with ten day old dumplings, the kind that were guaranteed to induce vomiting and worse.

Kuo giggled as he quickly retreated through the back door.

If everything went well, Mr. Ping's precious noodle shop would be closed down by morning, and the recipes would at last be his.

* * *

_A few hours later…_

Mantis frowned as he swallowed the last bite of his last dumpling.

"Is it me, or do these dumplings taste odd?"

On the opposite side of the table, Monkey realized this as well and lowered his bowl.

"You're right…" He spoke to the other members of the Furious Five gathered at the table, Po busy cooking in the kitchen. "They don't taste like Mr. Ping's usual dumplings…"

"Hey, your taste buds are probably still recovering from tasting those new super-spicy dishes for Mr. Ping." Viper said as she finished her tofu. "Try not to worry about it."

"No offence, Viper, but you haven't tasted these dumplings." Crane said as he finished his own bowl of dumplings. "And neither have you, Tigress."

"Did I look like I was going to say anything?" Tigress asked as she slurped the last of her noodles.

"Is everyone finished, now?" Shifu asked as he pushed away his empty dumpling bowl.

Everyone at the table nodded.

"Good. Po…" He called to the panda chopping vegetables in the kitchen. "We need to return to the Jade Palace immediately."

"Okay, I'll be there in a minute, Master Shifu!" Po waved over the counter.

"Before you go, son…" Mr. Ping said. "Could you refill the dumpling pan?"

Po nodded, then walked over to the dumpling pan. As he leaned down to pick it up, he frowned when he caught sight of the several remaining dumplings floating in the water.

"Uh… dad?"

"Yes, son?"

"Is it me, or do those dumplings look different to you?"

Mr. Ping waddled over and gazed into the pan. His usual cheerful expression changed into a scowl.

"I definitely don't recognize these dumplings. The dumplings I usually produce are a lovely dull cream… these are two shades darker!"

The goose lowered a ladle into the bowl and scooped out one of the strange dumplings. He raised it to his eyes, which narrowed as he examined the dumpling… a minute later he gasped.

"Good lord! These dumplings must be ten days old! Po!" He turned to his son in a panic. "Who do you know have eaten dumplings from this pan?"

"Well…" Po struggled to remember. "The only ones who have eaten dumplings today were Monkey, Crane, Mantis and Shifu... oh god, they're going to be sick!"

Po rushed out the kitchen… but the Furious Five and their master had already left.

"Dad, I've gotta go!" Po sprinted for the exit.

"Hurry Po, before it's too late!" Mr. Ping called after him.

* * *

A strange sensation stirred in their stomachs as the Furious Five stood in a straight line inside the training hall, Master Shifu pacing in front of them.

"For heaven's sake!" Shifu finally snapped. "Why does that panda always have to be late?"

"In his defense, Master, there are a lot of stairs between the village and the Jade Palace." Tigress spoke.

Shifu sighed.

"Are we still going to wait until Po arrives?" Monkey asked.

Was it his imagination, or was the room getting hotter?

"Yes, we are." Said Shifu. "I refuse to leave any of my students out of training, regardless of whether or not they're late."

"What will you be teaching us, today?" Crane asked, momentarily wondering why there were so many butterflies in his stomach.

"I will be teaching you the Golden Emperor's Foo Dog Frenzy." Said Shifu.

"The _what_?" A slightly sweating Mantis blinked.

"Only joking." Shifu smirked. "What I'm actually going to be teaching you today is…"

BAM.

"Master Shifu!" Po burst into the room.

"About time, panda!" Shifu scowled. "Do you know what time this is?"

"Master, you and the others have got to go to the infirmary, _pronto_!" Po panted.

"Why?" Shifu asked testily.

Suddenly, Mantis dry-heaved.

The room fell silent as all heads turned to the insect on Monkey's shoulder.

Mantis dry-heaved again.

"Mantis, are you alright?" Monkey asked.

"I… _burp_… I'm not sure…" Mantis's voice was muffled by the forelegs covering his mouth.

"Oh gods, this is what I was worried about!" Po groaned. "You've got food poisoning from those dumplings."

"Don't be ridiculous, Po!" Shifu glared at him. "Do you honestly think that a group of kung fu warriors can be defeated by spoiled dumplings?"

At that moment, Monkey's eyes bulged, and he clapped a hand over his mouth.

"Uh, I don't feel so good…" Monkey moaned.

"Alright, everyone who ate dumplings has to go to the infirmary now!" Po said.

"It's not the dumplings, Po!" Shifu said. "I've had dumplings as well, and I'm fine!"

As he said this, Crane started fanning his sweating face with his wings.

"Is it me, or is it getting really hot in here?" He panted.

"No, it's just you." Said a wide-eyed Viper.

Within seconds, all three men were dry-heaving, sweating and farting.

"You know what…" Mantis finally spoke. "I really need to go to the bathroom."

He hopped from Monkey's shoulder and rushed from the room. Hands and wings over their mouths, Monkey and Crane followed suit.

"Where are you three going?" Shifu snapped.

Po ran out of the hall after them.

"Guys, the infirmary's that way! NO, DON'T GO INTO THE HALL OF WARRIORS! STOP!"

Tigress and Viper stared at each other then ran after them.

* * *

In their defense, the hall of warriors was closer.

Mantis ran straight for the urn of whispering warriors, but did not get there in time.

Retching from the foul taste in his mouth, Mantis frantically climbed up the body of the urn and stuck his head inside. Retching and splattering could be heard.

"Mantis, move out the way!" Crane rushed forward, slipping on the pool of sick as he did so and tried to pull Mantis from the urn. "I need that urn!"  
"Find your own urn!" Mantis yelled, his head still in the urn.

Crane frantically spun around, trying to find an alternative container. Then his eyes fell on the moon pool.

He ran right for it.

Mantis heard his footsteps and quickly pulled his head from the urn.

"Crane, no!" He gaped.

Too late.

Crane had reached the pool, and the clear water almost immediately turned cloudy.

* * *

Shifu was still in the training hall, frozen to the spot.

Then he heard the sound of vomiting in the distance.

Sighing in annoyance, Shifu made his way outside.

* * *

"Gangway!" Monkey yelled as he ran for the urn. He threw up before he noticed that Mantis was already there.

"Oh god… Mantis…" Monkey gaped at the drenched bug. "I'm so sorry…"  
"GET AWAY FROM ME!"

Po, Tigress and Viper burst into the room… and burst straight back out after one glimpse of the horrifying scene.

"AW, WHAT THE HELL DID WE EAT!" Crane wailed in between heaves.

Shifu stepped into the room, and gaped at the three men hurling into priceless artifacts.

"Get out of here!" Shifu yelled. "And go to the infirmary like you were supposed to!"

"Sorry Master…" Monkey moaned. "But we can't move!"

"He's right, Shifu." Said Po, poking his head through the doors. "When you're puking non-stop, food poisoning can be just as disabling as nerve-strikes."

"For the last time, it's not the dumplings!" Shifu glared at him. "If it was, don't you'd think I'd be feeling sick too…"

Suddenly a tremendous fart echoed round the hall of warriors.

Everyone froze and stared at Master Shifu. Monkey, Crane and Mantis had even stopped hurling and lifted their heads.

Shifu had gone white. A foul smell emanated from him.

"Master, you didn't…" Tigress stared at him with an expression of utter horror.

Very slowly, Shifu lowered himself to the ground.

"Oh god…" Shifu said in a tiny voice. "It _is_ the dumplings…"

* * *

**Oh god, that was gross. By the way, Part II won't be posted for a while, but in the meantime, be on the lookout for more updates coming your way!**


	5. Don't Touch the Stove!

**This short story is loosely based on a request made by Guest. **

**In this story, Mr. Ping leaves the noodle shop for about an hour, leaving an eight year old Po to look after things. Unfortunately, a hungry Po decides to put what he learned from his cooking lessons to the test, and disaster ensues…**

* * *

"I'll be back in an hour, Po." Mr. Ping said as he headed for the exit. "The shop is closed, so just relax and watch the shop… but do not touch the stove!"

"Yes, daddy." Said Po.

"I won't be gone long." Mr. Ping left the shop.

For the next ten minutes, the small panda sat by himself on one of the small chairs, twiddling his thumbs. Then he started to get bored.

And hungry.

"I could do with a snack." He muttered, then headed to the kitchen. He stopped.

"No, daddy told me not to touch the stove!" He scolded himself. "But still… having something cold wouldn't hurt. Maybe I could eat some carrots."

And so he spent the next five minutes nibbling from a raw carrot, which admittedly did not taste very good.

As he took another small bite from the tasteless carrot, Po glanced at the stove.

"No!" Po swiveled away, so the stove was no longer in his peripheral vision. "No, I'm not to touch the stove!"

_But you know how to use a stove…_ a little voice spoke in his head. _Your dad has been giving you lessons. Surely it wouldn't hurt to boil some dumplings for a few minutes?_

"No!" Po said again, crossing his arms and biting his lip. "No, I won't!"

A few seconds later, the rumbling in his stomach decided the outcome of the internal debate.

The small panda lowered himself down from the chair and stepped into the kitchen. He stood for a few minutes in the middle of the room, trying to remember his cooking lessons as best as he could…

_First, fill a large pot with water, and then leave it for a few minutes to boil…_

Po pulled out the biggest pot in the kitchen, and then struggled with the weight as he lifted it onto the stove.

"Okay, now what?" He muttered…

_Once the water is boiling, put the dumplings inside…_

Po grabbed a bowl full of raw dumplings and poured them inside, quickly leaping back to avoid the splashes.

_Once the dumplings have floated to the top, pour in half a cup of water to slow the cooking process, so that the dough doesn't break apart while the raw filler is still being cooked…_

And so Po returned to his chair and waited for the dumplings to start floating.

He waited…

And waited…

Eventually, Po decided to tidy the kitchen up a bit while he waited.

He grabbed a crate full of bottles and plonked it on one of the tables. Then he proceeded to sort through them, picking out the bottles which were practically empty and pouring their contents into fuller bottles.

"Um… excuse me?"

A startled Po spilled sesame oil all over the table.

He spun round, falling off the chair as he did so, and his eyes fell on the tiger cub standing in the doorway.

"Oh, I'm sorry!" The cub spoke. "I didn't mean to startle you."  
"It's okay." Po got to his feet.

"Um, is this shop closed?" the cub asked.

The cub was a girl. A cute girl. Po inexplicably found himself blushing.

"Uh… yeah, it's closed." He said. "Were you wanting some noodles?"

"Uh… no." the cub said shyly. "It's just that the Jade Palace needs some flammable oil for their lanterns, and we were told that this shop has what we need."

"You're from the Jade Palace?" Po gaped.

"Yes."

"Oh my gosh, that's so awesome!" Po danced on the spot. "You're a kung fu master!"

The cub blinked.

"Um… I'm not a master. I'm just a student."

"But you're still awesome!" Po gushed.

He stopped gushing when he saw the redness in the cub's cheeks.

"Oh yeah… you were wanting some flammable oil?"

"Yes, but since the shop is closed…"

"No it's okay!" Po said quickly. "If oil is all you want, I can get it to you in a jiffy! Wait here…"

He rushed over to the table, but saw to his dismay that all the sesame oil in the bottle was spread out over the wooden surface.

"Hang on, there's probably some more oil in the kitchen." Po told the cub before retreating into through the kitchen door, gripping the soaked oil bottle in his paw.

That was when he saw the steaming singular enormous mass of dumpling matter floating in the pan.

"OH MY GOSH!" Po dug his fingers into his scalp.

He had forgotten all about the dumplings!

And he had forgotten to stir the dumplings after putting them in the pan so they wouldn't stick together!

"What's wrong?" the cub called from outside.

"Nothing! Nothing!" Po yelled as he rushed towards the pan.

Quickly setting the bottle down, the panda gripped the handles so he could lift it off the stove.

A droplet of boiling water splashed from the pot and landed on his wrist.

As Po cried out in pain, he knocked the sesame oil bottle over.

The dripping oil bottle rolled over to the small candle on the counter and in seconds was engulfed in flames.

"_Gah!_"

**What had he done?**

Quickly setting down the pan, Po grabbed a long knife and quickly stabbed it into the flaming bottle, enabling him to lift it without burning himself.

"Watch out!" Po called out to the cub as he flung the burning bottle over the counter and into the outdoors area…

Where it landed on the oil soaked table and set it alight.

The tiger cub screamed and leapt backwards, while Po simply stared in silent shock at the flaming table top.

"Oh my gosh! What happened?" the cub cried out.

Then she saw the stunned panda still standing at the counter.

She ran over to him and grabbed his arm.

"Come on, let's get out of here!"

She dragged Po from the shop, leaving the table to burn.

Once outside the shop, the two cubs stared at the burning table in silence.

"My dad is gonna kill me." Po muttered. "What are we going to do?"

"Well, the table isn't anywhere near any combustible objects." Said the cub. "I guess that the only thing we can do is wait for the fire to burn out."

"Couldn't we throw some water on it?" Po asked.

"No, that's an oil based fire." Said the cub. "Water would make it ten times worse."

The two cubs stared at the burning table in further silence.

"We should tell someone." The tiger cub finally said. "We can't just the fire like this."

"Okay." Po sighed. "I'll tell our next door neighbor. He should still be up. You should get back to the palace. It's getting late."

"No, I should stay and help out, in case things get worse." Said the cub.

"But if you stay, people might think that you had something to do with this too! I mean, it would be pretty suspicious if there were two kids the same age in the shop when the table caught fire."

"But…"

"No, you should go. I don't want you to get in trouble."

The cub sighed in defeat.

"Okay… I'll tell the masters of the palace about the fire once I get back. They'll need to know if there's a risk of a major fire in the village."

"Okay… goodbye."

The cub walked off, pausing to look back at Po as she did so.

Po stared after her for a long while before heading for his next door neighbor's house.

When Mr. Ping returned to the noodle shop ten minutes later and screamed at the sight of his ruined table, he gave Po a severe scolding for his foolishness. From that moment on, up until he turned fifteen, Po never touched the stove again unless his father was present… or he understood and remembered every aspect of his lessons.

* * *

**Let this be a lesson to all young readers: never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, EVER touch a stove without an adult present!**


	6. Confessions of an old age Drama King

**Another Tigress/Shifu one-shot, as requested by readers.**

**I've noticed from a lot of other fan fictions that the ways in which Shifu and Tigress talk to each other about mistakes in the past are roughly all the same. So in this one-shot, I've decided to take a… uh… _different_ approach…**

* * *

"Okay, guys!" Po called out. "Dinner's ready!"

"Finally!" Mantis was the first into the kitchen, everyone else following close after.

"What are we having today, Po?" Viper asked as they gathered round the large table.

"Bean paste dumplings." Po said. "I thought it would be a nice change from noodles."

"Hmmm… Master Oogway once said that the smallest changes are often the best." Shifu smiled as he took his bowl.

"With the exception of the number of almond cookies decreasing from fifteen to three." Mantis chortled. Po scowled in his direction.

After three minutes of eating in silence, Po tentatively spoke up.

"Uh… guys? I was wondering if you could all do me a small favor."

"And what is that, Po?" Shifu looked up from his dumplings.

"You, see, my dad is trying to expand his business to drinks now." Po said. "He's got an idea for a peach/plum juice combination, and he needs some people to taste it."

"Is this drink alcoholic?" Shifu asked, eyes narrowed.

"No, dad's not planning on selling alcohol. He wants his drinks to be family-friendly."

"Come on, Master Shifu…" Monkey said. "What harm can it do?"

"Alright then." Said Shifu.

"Awesome!" Po swiftly pulled out six cups and plonked them on the counter. Next he pulled out a large bottle.

"Hang on a sec while I pour them out." Said Po.

"Have you tried this yourself?" Tigress asked.

"Sure." Said Po. "It tastes awesome, but my dad wants more than one taster."

With his back to the group, Po began pouring the peace/plum juice combination into the numerous cups.

In the cup that would be Mantis's, Po poured in an eighth of a liter of rice wine.

Ever since Mantis had ratted Po out to Monkey over the stolen almond cookies, Po had been searching for a non-life threatening way to get the insect back. His chance had arisen after he had learned that Mantis apparently had a low tolerance for alcohol.

Po just had to hope that no-one would guess what he had done.

"Okay, everyone! Here you are!" Po carried the tray full of cups over to the table on one hand.

"I honestly think I'll like this!" Viper said as she took her cup.

"Same here." Said Crane as he did the same.

"Just in case, the water bucket's over there in the corner." Mantis laughed. He didn't notice the mischievous look on Po's face as he took his own cup.

One everyone had taken their cups, Po set the tray down and sat at the table in between Tigress and Shifu. He eyed Mantis as the bug sipped from his cup, waiting for the fun to begin.

After a few seconds, everyone took their first sips.

"So what do you guys think?" Po asked.

"It's delicious, Po." Said Tigress. The others nodded in agreement.

"Mantis, how do you feel?" Po smirked.

"I feel great!" Mantis beamed. "Seriously, I think this drink is now officially…"

"Oh woe, what's wrong with me, Tigress?"

Everyone froze, and turned their heads to the red panda clutching his cup with both hands.

"Uh… what do you mean, Master?" Tigress blinked.

"Why can't I get it right, Tai Lung?" Shifu swayed slightly in his chair. "First Tigress, and now you! Why can't I seem to get it right?"

Everyone stared at Shifu's display. Po had a sinking feeling that he may have gotten the cups mixed up during the serving.

"I mean…" Shifu picked up his cup and clambered onto the table to face Tigress properly. "With Tai Lung, I gave him nothing but praise, and he turned into a monster! With you, I gave you anything but praise… and you turned into an ice queen!"

Tigress leaned backwards in her chair in shock.

"What's happening?" Viper whispered.

"I think he's drunk." Crane whispered back.

"Po, what the hell did you do?" Mantis stared at the panda.

"I don't know!" Po lied. "How the heck did he get so drunk after just one sip?"

"Shifu has an alcohol tolerance even lower than mine." Mantis muttered. "We learned that the hard way."  
"You mean when you guys lost him for two days in Lijiang city?" Po glared at him.

In the meantime, Shifu fell on his knees and then shuffled closer to Tigress.

"I am such a loser!" Shifu gulped from his cup before continuing. "I am such an itty bitty loser!"

"No you're not." Tigress said, sounding calmer than she felt. "You just made some small mistakes, that's all. Everyone does it."  
"Oh no, no, no, no…" Shifu waved a finger at her. "When Commander Vachir refused to tighten the security around Tai Lung, that was a small mistake… denying you the love and affection you were entitled to after I adopted you… was COLOSSAL! Look at what I've turned you into!" Shifu hiccupped.

Tigress's amber eyes went wide as dinner plates.

_Never_ had he _ever_ told her any of this before.

"Instead of healing your wounds, I left them open." Shifu lowered himself into a crouch, emphasizing his sadness. "I told you I'm a loser. In fact, if I were you… I would punch me, right in the mouth! Tai Lung did!"

Shifu crawled over to Tigress and tugged on one of her chain clasps pleadingly.

"Please hit me!" He moaned like a little boy. "Pretty please! Hit me, hit me, please, _pleaaaaaaaaseeee_…."

"No, I won't!" Tigress said firmly, grabbing Shifu's hand and gently priding it from her vest.

"Oh, okay." Shifu pouted, and then sipped from his cup, only to find that it was empty. He spun round on his knees to face Po.

"Is there any more peach/plum juice combination drink?" He asked, holding the cup out in front of him expectedly.

Po silently refilled his cup, and Shifu shuffled back round to Tigress.

"Can I tell you a little secret?" He asked, staring at the feline with puppy-dog eyes.

"Uh… okay." Tigress said.

"I fibbed when I said that you would never surpass Tai Lung."

Tigress stared.

"What are you talking about?" She asked.

"When Tai Lung first attempted the obstacle course, he completed it in eight minutes." Shifu giggled. "You did it in five. That's… severely cool!"

Tigress bit her lip, unsure of what to say.

"Sorry for stealing your line, Po!" Shifu called out.

"It's alright." Po quickly said.

"Uh, Master Shifu…" Tigress began.

"No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, NO!" Shifu waved his hands in front of him, silencing her. "I am your father, so from now on, I want you to call me father, dad, daddy, pater, dada, or baba… whichever works for you!"

"Um, okay…" Tigress hesitated. "Baba…" Shifu lit up like the sun in a clear sky. "I think it's time you went to bed."

"You called me baba! _YAAAAAY!_" Shifu leapt into the air with joy, startling the students surrounding him. After celebrating for a few seconds, he staggered over to Tigress, until they were literally face-to-face. "And now… I'm going to hug you… my sweet little lotus blossom…"

This was the LAST thing Tigress was expecting.

"Um, okay." Said Tigress lamely. Then she gasped slightly as Shifu fell forwards onto her chest and wrapped his arms around her as far as he could.

"Oh, and before I pass out…" Shifu's face was buried in Tigress's vest, muffling his voice. "Po, I tasted the rice wine in the peach/plum juice. Once I become sober… I'm gonna kill you."

Po gulped as Shifu went limp in Tigress's arms.

* * *

**Well, what do you think? Keep those reviews and requests coming, and I'll be even happier than drunken Shifu!**


	7. Return of the old age Drama King

**The title is pretty self explanatory.**

**I'm on a day out with friends, today, so this story is going to be pretty short. I hope you still enjoy it!**

* * *

"_Meshrep, you are our cherished legacy,  
Like ancient calls of our mothers from homeland.  
When our voices become raucous,  
You moisten our hearts, like morning dews._"

Po and the other twenty-nine masters stared open-mouthed at the red panda sitting in the middle of the winter feast table, singing loudly and plucking a konghou (harp) three times as large as him.

"_Meshrep, you are closely linked to our life.  
You are a garden where sisters and brothers get together.  
When we are in troubles,  
You heal our hearts, like mystical medicine._"

A large tear trickled down the old master's cheek as he sang.

"What the heck's got into Shifu?" Viper whispered.

"You don't think he's gotten drunk again?" Mantis asked.

"Po, did you slip rice wine in the peach juice again?" Tigress hissed angrily.

"I didn't, I swear!" Po hissed back.

"_Meshrep, you live with us.  
Meshrep, you laugh with us._"

* * *

**I'll leave it to you to figure out how Shifu got drunk this time.  
**


	8. AUTHOR'S NOTE

**AUTHOR'S NOTE**

**Hello everyone. I'm sorry to inform you that there won't be any more updates for a few days, as I'm taking a break to rest my hands. **

**But in the meantime, here are a couple of notices:**

**Here's a sneak peak of the next one-shot…**

KUO RETURNS PART II

Previously, in Kuo Returns… Kuo returned to the Valley of Peace and slipped spoiled dumplings into Mr Ping's pot, giving Shifu, Mantis, Crane and Monkey a severe case of food poisoning!

In Part II, Po, Mr. Ping, Tigress and Viper suspect sabotage, and their investigations lead them on a collision course with the knife-throwing antelope…

**Also, I'm considering making an attempt at Kung Fu Panda 3 once I've written at least 10 one shots. What do you think?**

**See you in a few days!**


	9. Kuo Returns Part 2

**I'm back!**

**Earlier than I had planned; I guess I love writing too much… DARNIT! (Flings helmet in frustration).**

**About the previous short chapter: one- I have no idea who Meshrep is. Two- this one will be average length, but still a little short: its sole purpose is to conclude the KUO RETURNS story. Enjoy!**

**Previously, in Kuo Returns… Kuo returned to the Valley of Peace and slipped spoiled dumplings into Mr Ping's pot, giving Shifu, Mantis, Crane and Monkey a severe case of food poisoning!**

**In Part II, Po, Mr. Ping, Tigress and Viper suspect sabotage, and their investigations lead them on a collision course with the knife-throwing antelope…**

* * *

Five minutes after admitting Shifu, Monkey, Crane and Mantis to the infirmary, Po, Tigress and Viper gathered in Mr. Ping's noodle shop, where the goose was wallowing in despair.

"Oh, this is a disaster!" Mr. Ping wailed. "I gave them spoiled dumplings! My business is ruined!"

"Dad, calm down." Said Po. "Shifu and the guys were the only ones who had the dumplings, right?"

"Yes!" Mr. Ping exclaimed through his feathered fingers.

"Then it'll be okay." Viper said soothingly. "This was an insolated incident. The villagers will never know what had happened."

Mr. Ping looked up.

"Really?"

"Really, really." Po smiled, and then pulled his father into a hug.

"There's still something that I don't understand." Tigress spoke, a scowl on her face. "Mr. Ping is the most meticulous chef in the village. How on earth did ten day old dumplings get into his pot?"

"Yeah, I've been wondering about that to." Said Viper. "Mr. Ping, do you still have those spoiled dumplings?"

The goose nodded, and led the three warriors into the kitchen, where the old dumplings still floated in their pot.

"I know for sure that these dumplings were not the ones that I had put in this morning!" Mr. Ping scooped up one of the dumplings with a ladle.

"How do you know?" Po asked.

"I already told you, the color is different! And I'm talking about different types of dumplings, not their age!"

"So either the delivery pig made a gross mistake with your shipment…" Tigress thought out loud. "Or someone deliberately swapped the dumplings when you weren't looking."

"What?" Po gaped. "Why would someone do that?"

"Most likely to try and ruin his business." Said Tigress. "It probably would have worked too, if anyone other than Shifu and the others had eaten them."

"But who would try to sabotage my dad?" Po's eyes narrowed.

"We don't know." Tigress replied. "Mr. Ping… do you have any enemies?"

"None that I can think of…" The goose said. "Other than that crazy antelope who's currently in jail, I don't know anyone who's it in for me and my business."

"What antelope?" Viper asked.

"This chef named Kuo attempted to steal my recipes a few months back. Fortunately, Po managed to dodge the throwing knives and kick his buttocks into the middle of next week!" Mr. Ping smiled at his son as he said this.

"But he's in jail." Said Po. "How could Kuo have slipped dumplings into the pot?"

"Hmmm… last week, a messenger informed us that a psychotic antelope had escaped from a prison during a riot." Tigress said.

Po's eyes widened. Then he scowled a punched his hand with his fist.

"Guys…" He said. "I say that we find this guy and get some answers!"

* * *

In a small clearing in the middle of the forest, an antelope snickered as he sharpened his knives with a small rock.

"By tomorrow morning, you will rue the day you decided to ruin my business with your recipes, Ping!" Kuo chuckled as he ran a hoof down the sharp blade. "Rue, you hear me? RUE!"

"You're the only one who will be doing any ruing today, Kuo!" Yelled an angry voice behind him.

Kuo whirled round.

Standing at the edge of the clearing was a very angry Dragon Warrior. Standing on either side on him were a tiger and a snake.

"Nobody tries to sabotage my dad and get away with it!" Po glared at Kuo. "Prepare to be put back behind bars!"

"Not without a fight!" Kuo snarled, and hurled the knife.

Po quickly dodged the knife and lunged at the antelope. Kuo leapt out the way and flung a dozen knives at Tigress and Viper. Viper evaded the knives using her serpentine body, while Tigress deflected them with her claws and a growl.

"It's over, Kuo!" Po yelled as he aimed a flying kick at Kuo, who dodged again. "We know it was you who planted those ruined dumplings!"

"How can you prove it without any evidence?" Kuo grinned. "I may not be able to get the recipes, but I can still enjoy watching Ping's reputation crash and burn!"

"Ain't gonna happen!" Po grinned back as he deflected another knife. "The only ones who ate those dumplings were Shifu, Monkey, Crane and Mantis! No-one in the village will ever know about the food poisoning! And who will believe the words of a psychotic antelope?"

Kuo's eyes widened, and then he let out a guttural roar of rage and charged at the panda, a long serrated knife in both hands.

Po swung a fist and knocked the antelope out cold.

"That's for my dad!" Po picked up the unconscious Kuo and slung him over one shoulder. "Come on, guys. Let's put him back in jail where he belongs."

* * *

Later that day, Shifu, Monkey, Crane and Mantis walked slowly out of the infirmary, feeling worse than when they had been defeated by Tai Lung, if that were possible.

"How humiliating!" Shifu moaned. "My pants had to be burned to get rid of the mess!"

"That's nothing." Mantis glanced at him. "I had to take a scented bubble bath to wash Monkey's puke off!"

"Hehe… sorry." Monkey chuckled sheepishly.

"Gods…" Crane sighed. "I hope I never see another dumpling again!"

"Good to see you all well, masters." Zeng the palace goose waddled up to them. "I've brought you some dinner, since the Dragon Warrior is still down in the village." He held out a large bowl of fried dumplings.

Shifu, Monkey, Crane and Mantis glared at the goose.

A second later, Zeng found himself wearing the dumpling bowl as a hat.

* * *

**Well, that concludes the two part segment.**

**Oh, and a small notice for Guest- the next story will be a Crane/Mei Ling one-shot. Promise.**


	10. Losing Kuo

**No, not the crazy antelope Kuo, the adorable OC baby Kuo from KFP: the Hangover. **

**In this one-shot, Crane's visit to old friend Mei Ling's kung fu academy goes awry when they accidentally lose baby Kuo within the enormous building.**

* * *

"Once again, I'm so glad that you were able to visit." Mei Ling said happily as she and Crane wandered down one of the many corridors of the Lee Da Kung Fu Academy. "I understand that it's hard for you to get time off training."

"One of the many reasons that I'm glad I came." Said Crane. As he said this, he gently tickled little Kuo's belly, making the infant mountain cat giggle in his mother's arms.

"Really? What other reasons were there?"

"Well, obviously one of them was that I got to see you again." Crane grinned. "And also because I got to visit the place where I began my training."

"Yeah…" Mei Ling smiled as the memory of a younger Crane retrieving the little red flag from the obstacle course washed over her. "That was over twenty years ago, wasn't it?"

"It was." Crane glanced down at Kuo. "You weren't very interested in having kids back then."

"Hey, a lot of things can change in two decades." Mei Ling replied.

"Speaking of Kuo, do you remember that time when me and the guys woke up in the palace with no memory of our party the night before?"

"How could I ever forget?" Mei Ling smirked.

"Well, when we first found Kuo, do you know what Mantis decided to call him?"

"Ping?"

"Taiwan."

"_Taiwan_?" Mei Ling blinked.

"Yep."

"But that's not even a Chinese name!"

As Mei Ling said this, they approached the newly built elevator that led to the top of the main tower of the academy. It was roughly the same design as the elevator within Chorh-Gom Prison, with the exception of wooden benches lining two sides of the square platform.

As they stopped in front of the elevator, Kuo started to squirm.

"I'll just put him down for a few minutes." Mei Ling lowered her son onto one of the benches.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"Quite sure. Believe it or not, but Kuo's pretty good at staying still."

She was right- once Kuo was set down on the bench, he never moved from his sitting position.

"By the way…" Mei Ling smirked as she turned back to Crane. "How long did it take for your feathers to grow back?"

"Two months." Crane scowled. "Three for the AAAAAAAAGH!"

Crane yelled as the elevator suddenly started rapidly ascending… with Kuo still on it.

"HOLY CRAP!" Mei Ling shrieked, and leapt upwards in a futile attempt to grab the edge of the elevator.

"What's happening?" Crane yelled.

"Someone's activated the elevator from the top of the tower, DUH?" Mei Ling yelled back. "Crane, fly up there and get him!"

"Are you kidding? I can't fly in this small space!"

"Then grab that switch over there and bring it back down!"

Crane rushed over to the elevator switch and pulled the lever. Nothing happened.

He pulled the lever again.

And again.

And again.

"It's not working!"

"Then I'm taking the stairs!" Mei Ling ran for the grand staircase.

"Don't worry, Kuo! We're coming to save you!" Crane yelled up at the shrinking elevator above his head as he rushed after her.

* * *

As the mountain cat and the black crested crane rushed up the stairs, little Kuo giggled as the elevator ascended up the tower. Roughly halfway up, the elevator reached a large window, which the little mountain cat swiftly crawled through, landing safely on his bottom on the bed that stood right beneath it.

The bed was very comfortable, and Kuo immediately decided to take a nap in it. He was asleep in seconds, his tail wrapped round his legs and his thumb in his mouth.

* * *

"Hurry! Seal off the building!" Crane yelled as he and Mei Ling reached the top of the tower and ran straight for the hole in the floor where the elevator would emerge.

"What's going on?" asked the boar who had activated the elevator.

"My son is on that elevator, you idiot!" Mei Ling yelled.

"Hey, here it comes!" Crane pointed at the elevator which at that moment made its appearance.

Crane and Mei Ling both screamed at the sight of the empty bench.

"Oh my god where is he?" Mei Ling yelled. "Please say he hasn't fallen over the railing! Please!"

"We'll go back down and check!" Crane dragged his friend back down the stairs.

They were stopped half way down by a very surprised ox.

"Instructor Sai!" Crane gasped.

"Excuse me, Mei Ling, but is this yours?" Sai held out a sleeping baby mountain cat.

"KUO!" Mei Ling shrieked and snatched her son from the ox's arms. She hugged him tightly, sobbing with relief.

"Where did you find him?" Crane asked.

"I found him sleeping on my bed." Sai said, chuckling slightly.

"He must have crawled through one of the windows." Crane thought out loud.

"Oh, thank you so much!" Mei Ling breathed.

"Don't mention it." Said Sai. "I used to lose my kid all the time."

Mei Ling blushed as she and Crane descended the stairs.

* * *

"Like mother like son." Crane smirked as they entered the main courtyard.

"I beg your pardon?" Mei Ling stared at the avian.

"Do you remember the one time you slipped up on the obstacle course and fell through the trapdoor?" Crane said. "It took us two hours to disable the traps so we could get to you, and by the time we did, it turned out that you had somehow got into the kitchen."

Mei Ling scowled.

"How did you manage that, by the way?"

"Even twenty years later, I still have no idea."

"Hey, there's the course!"

The obstacle course, still deadly-looking even after twenty years, stood at the far side of the courtyard.  
"Uh… where's Kuo?" Crane asked suddenly.

"Huh?"

Then they saw the baby mountain cat crawling through the dozen wooden warriors within the course.

"KUUUOOOOOOOO!"


	11. The Pool

**This will be my last one-shot before I begin my first big project- Kung Fu Panda 3, so read, review and enjoy!**

* * *

Po really… really… _really_… _really_… _REALLY_ needed a bath.

The problem was, the bath house was full.

So the only place left to wash all the mud from his body (late afternoon's spar with Mantis was disastrous) was the large pool located on the outskirts of the ironwood forest.

So in the dark of night, he crept down to the pool. It was a warm night, so the water wouldn't be too cold. Quickly glancing at his surroundings to make sure he was alone, Po removed his pants, draped them over a nearby rock, and lowered himself into the pool.

The water was utterly wonderful.

Po moaned in content as he scraped the mud from his naked body with a wooden stick.

"Aw, that's the stuff…" He sighed as he dipped his head underwater and came back up completely soaked.

He was tempted to just stay in the water all night.

However…

"WOOHOOOOO!"

Startled, Po swallowed a mouthful of water.

Coughing, he whirled round, and his heart sank.

Monkey, Crane and Mantis ripped their clothes off as they ran for the pool and jumped in.

"Hey, Po!" Monkey called when he noticed the panda. "Fancy meeting you here!"

"What are you guys doing here?" Po asked, crossing his legs beneath the water to hide his privates. "I thought you were in the bathhouse."

"We were…" Crane said. "… except SOMEONE hadn't fully recovered from the food poisoning we got from those old dumplings, and decided to do his business in the bath!"

Mantis cringed on the leaf he was floating on.

"So until the palace servants finish draining the water and scrubbing the bath, we're going to have to wash ourselves here." Monkey said.

"I don't that's entirely a bad thing…" Po replied. "This water is awesome!"

"Too right…" Crane started floating on his back. "I could stay here all night."

Po chuckled as the guys started laughing and splashing each other in the middle of the water.

He glanced up over his friends' heads at the iron trees lining one side of the pool.

He did a double take.

Dangling from one of the larger branches were a red vest and a pair of black pants.

Po's eyes widened.

Involuntarily, he leapt back in the water, and his back hit a large rock.

"Po!"

Po froze when he heard the whisper.

"Tigress, is that you?" He whispered back.

"Yes."

"Where are you?"

"On the other side of this boulder."

"Are you…"

"Yes… don't look!"

Po quickly glanced at his friends. They were still messing around fifteen feet away.

"Tigress, what are you doing here?" Po whispered.

"What do you think?" Having a bath!" Tigress snapped. "The bathhouse was full!"

"We've got to get you out of here before the guys see you!" Po said.

"How? My clothes are on the other side of the pond!" Tigress hissed.

"Tigress… I've got an idea." Po said. "You're not going to like it… but we've got no choice…"

When he was finished explaining the plan, Tigress gaped.

"Are you crazy?" She whispered furiously.

"What choice do we have?" Po whispered back. "Now hurry up before the guys get over here and see you!"

Po could hear her cursing as she slowly emerged from behind the boulder, and a few seconds later he could feel her hands lightly touching his back. He blushed furiously before speaking.

"A-alright then…" he whispered. "Here… we… go…"

And so Po began to wade through the water, moving slowly so Tigress could easily conceal herself behind his large body.

They managed to get half way to the bank before…

"Hey, Po. Where are you going?" Mantis asked.

Po struggled to hide his dismay. He heard Tigress hold her breath behind him.

"Uh, I'm going back to the palace." Said Po. "I'm clean, now I need to get dry and get to bed."

"Aw, come on Po!" Monkey protested, and to Po's horror he started swimming toward him. "Have a little fun before turning in!"

"No, sorry, I'm really tired." Po winced as Tigress's claws dug into his flesh. "I really just wanna go to bed."

Monkey swam up until he was right in front of the panda.

"Well, if that's what you want… wait a sec!" Po and Tigress both froze. "What's that behind your back?"

"Nothing!" Po bit his lip.

"'Nothing' doesn't make ripples behind your back!"

_Not good! Not good!_

Monkey started maneuvering round Po. The panda quickly turned, shielding Tigress from view.

"What's behind your back, Po?" Crane asked, swimming forward.

"I'm telling you, it's nothing!" Po said frantically.

"That does it!"

Before Po could act, Monkey leapt from the water, and landed on the panda's shoulders.

"No!" Po yelled and Monkey looked over Po's shoulders.

There was a few seconds of silence.

"Uh…" Monkey hesitated.

Po cringed.

"I guess I owe you an apology."

Po blinked.

"What is it?" Mantis asked.

"Nothing."

Po had to bite his lip to hide his surprise.

Monkey lowered himself from the panda's shoulders.

"Good night, Po."

As Monkey and Crane swam off, Po heard and felt a small splash behind him, as well as an intake of breath.

"Tigress?"

"Yes Po?"

"Did you just hide yourself underwater?"

"Y-yes."

Po did not miss the stutter.

"Did you get a look at…"

"Yes."

Po went bright red.

"Let's get out of here."

And so they moved to the edge of the pool, and Po heard Tigress climb out, grab her clothes and disappear into the forest.


	12. Uniform

**I got the inspiration for this one shot after reading the short comic 'Pong' which can be found in issue 2.**

* * *

Tigress woke up in the middle of the night.

She scowled as the panda sleeping in the room across the hall continued to snore, creating a disturbance that didn't seem to affect the other sleepers.

Tigress prepared to lie back down and try to get at least a little more sleep when she realized that her mouth was as dry as a barren desert, most likely as a result of the very salty tofu she had eaten the night before.

Sighing in annoyance, she got up from her bed. Before she left her room to get a cup of water, she smoothed out the largest creases of her sleeping outfit, the same red and black color scheme of her training uniform except slightly looser.

As she walked silently down the corridor, she thought she heard a creak coming from Po's room. She paid it no mind: in the five weeks he had lived at the palace, she had learned that Po had a habit of tossing and turning.

Tigress stepped into the kitchen and was surprised to find a large cup of clear water already waiting for her on the table.

_That's odd…_ Tigress thought. _It's almost as if someone was expecting me to get up in the middle of the night._

She drank the water, quenching her thirst, and swiftly made her way back to her bedroom.

She froze when she heard a noise coming from inside the room.

"Rrrr… so… tight… man, I really need to find out what her diet is…"

Tigress knew that voice.

She rushed to her room and stopped dead in the doorway when she looked inside.

She let out a yell that woke everyone in the Jade Palace.

"PANDA!"

Po whirled round with a cry of fright.

"Tigress!" He gulped.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

"Er…"

"I NEED TO WEAR THAT TOMORROW!"

Tigress's training vest was currently stretched round Po's wide torso, split in the seam in several places, the chain clasps snapping from the strain.

"I just wanted to try it on!" Po exclaimed nervously as the other members of the five and Shifu gathered outside the room to watch the splendid scene.

"Tigress, what is all the yelling about?" Shifu demanded.

"That giant monochromatic dumpling has just ruined my uniform!" Tigress yelled furiously. "Look at it! It's split beyond repair!"

"Panda, how could you be so stupid?" Shifu snapped angrily. "She needs that vest for training tomorrow! She has nothing else to wear! What are you smiling at, panda?"

With a sly grin, Po held up a brown paper package.

"Or does she?"

Tigress blinked.

"What is that?" she asked.

"Open and see for yourself."

Reluctantly, Tigress took the package and ripped it open.

She gasped slightly as she held up the shimmering green vest with golden trim. The wrists of the long sleeves were embroidered with a ferocious looking golden dragon which curled all around. It was the most beautiful piece of clothing Tigress had ever held.

"Happy birthday, Tigress." Po smiled sweetly.

"H-how did you know it was my birthday?" she asked.

"I've told you a hundred times, I'm a big fan." Po shrugged. "I was worried that you would refuse, so I needed to make sure you had nothing else to wear."

"Is that why you ruined my vest?" Tigress scowled.

"Sort of."

She was suddenly struck with a suspicion.

"You were waiting for me to get up, weren't you?"

"Yep. That's why I made you that salty tofu."

"Wait, was it you who left that cup of water for me?"

"Yep."

For a moment, Tigress considered flinging him through the paper wall. But then she looked again at the beautiful vest.

"Thank you for the present, Po." She smiled softly.

"I would have got it sooner, but I was stuck on which color I should get. That's sorta why I was bugging you on what your favorite color was the other day. Oh, and you're welcome."

"You're still going to be punished come dawn." Shifu spoke up.

"Fair enough." Said Po. "As long as she wears the vest tomorrow."

"Like I have a choice?" Tigress gestured to the ruined vest round Po's middle.  
"Don't worry, I'll buy you a new training vest once I've saved up."

"Make sure it's the same color."

"Got it."


	13. A Night in Li Da Academy

It was a dark and stormy night.

The wind howled and the lightning flashed outside the walls of Li Da Kung Fu Academy.

In a small storeroom in the bowels of the academy, a black crested crane swept up the dust and dirt.

He hummed to himself, musing of how his life had recently taken an unexpected and wonderful turn.

Two days ago, Crane had been a mere janitor in this very academy. But then, at top student and now best friend Mei Ling's suggestion, he'd taken part in the student try outs and suddenly gained the confidence to pass with flying colours (if you'll pardon the pun). Now he was a bona fide student of Li Da Academy, still humble enough to volunteer to continue sweeping until a new janitor was found.

_Craaaaaaaaaneeeeee…_

Crane stopped sweeping when he heard an eerie voice echo from somewhere outside the room. He looked in the direction of the door.

"That's odd…" He muttered sarcastically, rolling his eyes. "Who could still be out in the middle of the night?"

_Craaaaaaaaaneeeee…_

Crane sighed, set down his broom, and stepped out of the storeroom.

The second he stepped through the door, a demonic laughing echoed loudly in the corridor and a strange gust of wind blew out the candles, casting the avian in darkness.

"Very funny guys!" Crane called out. "I see your ventriloquism lessons are paying off! And nice rigging with that window opening and letting the wind in for a second there!"

_Craaaaaaaaaneeeee…_

"Guuuuuuuuuuyssssss…" Crane called back then chuckled to himself. Where these guys seriously still doing the same old pranks? "Come on, you've gotta do better than that! My skinny legs are practically knocking against each other like clappers!"

He slowly made his way down the corridor, grabbing and relighting a candle on the way. He carefully held the candle in one wing as he walked, keeping an eye out for hidden pranksters.

"Guys, you've been doing the same act since I came to this academy!" He said. "I've stopped being scared three years ago! Now grow up and show yourselves!"

He turned his head, just in time to see dark liquid trickling down the left hand wall.

"Oh dear!" He exclaimed, half covering his face in mock terror. "The wall is dripping blood! Looks nothing like the corn syrup I bought when visiting the market! The only thing scary about that is that you forgot to add the red food colouring!"

_CraaaaaAAAAAANEEEE…_

Crane heard a rushing round behind him, whirled around, and mock screamed as a hanging training dummy drenched in fake blood swung at him from nowhere, stopping just inches from the tip of his beak.

"Oh my lord!" He cried. "A fake dead body! Okay guys, that's the end of it! You can come out now!"

The corridor was lit up by a pair of lanterns, held up by the stupidly sniggering gorilla twins lurching their way towards him.

"Got ya again, skinny!" One of them laughed.

Crane sighed in annoyance.

The twins Bao and Sao had been making life difficult for Crane ever since he came to the academy as a janitor, and it seemed that Crane's recent promotion of kung fu student had done little to make them respect him a bit more.

"Whatever, just knock it off." Crane said and made his way back to the storeroom. He snorted in derision when he heard the gorilla twins following, still laughing like idiots. He ignored them and stepped back into the storeroom, where he picked up his broom and resumed sweeping. He narrowed his eyes when the twins came in after him.

"Face it, limp beak." Sao chuckled. "This is never gonna get old."

"Again. Whatever." Crane said, and let a tiny smile curl the corners of his mouth when he saw a certain mountain cat silently step into the room, her face obscured in a dragon mask. She stopped directly behind the guffawing twins, and waited.

"We got ya, admit it!" Bao grinned dumbly.

"Okay, fine." Crane groaned. "You got me."

"And don't you forget it!" The twins said, then turned to leave.

They caught sight of the masked figure and-

"WAAAAAAHHH!"

They screamed like little girls and passed out, crashing to the floor like flour bags.

Crane struggled not to burst out laughing as Mei Ling removed the mask, revealing an evil grin.

"Thanks, Mei Ling." He snickered. "I always wanted to get even with them."

"Anytime, mate." Mei Ling smiled. "Anytime."


	14. A Moment of Soberness

Po felt like complete and utter hell.

"Ughhhhh…" He moaned before dipping his head into the bucket once again.

Now that the effects of the cheap rice wine were beginning to wear off a little bit, Po began to seriously regret ever letting Monkey and Mantis take him out drinking for his twenty-fifth birthday. The wine had tasted horrible, the Hall of Warriors was currently being trashed by his friends, and as for himself, he was too busy fighting the urge to throw up to join them. Despite all his regretting, Po was still wasted. And he knew it.

Between heaves, he was laughing at all that had happened during their very eventful night… like when Crane plucked off all his head feathers to impress old friend Mei Ling… when Mantis proposed to the nice lady mantis named Anming… when Monkey got conked on the head by a mace… when that baby elephant stuck its trunk down the back of Tigress's vest in search of noodles…

"What… a… night!" Po yelled to no-one in particular, waving an empty bottle in the air. Then he quickly turned back to the empty bucket.

A few seconds passed.

Po didn't throw up.

Yet.

_Knock, knock!_

Po lifted his head to look at his bedroom door.

"I haven't puked yet!" He called. "It's safe to come in for now!"

After a moment, the door slowly opened, and Tigress's head poked through the small gap.

"Hi, Po." She said.

"Hey, Tigress!" Po sat up a little straighter, embarrassed that she had seen him hunched over the bucket like an alcoholic.

Tigress hesitated, then entered the room and sat down beside the panda. Judging from her even steps, she was beginning to sober up a little bit too.

"You'd been gone a long time." She said. "I managed to summon enough sanity to check up on you. Are you alright?"

"This bucket is still empty, if that's what you mean." Po muttered.

"I'm sorry that baby elephant sat on you." Tigress replied.

"Hey, it wasn't your fault." Po scowled a little at the very recent memory. "I was trying to pull him away from you, I fell backwards… and the rest is pretty self-explanatory…" He mumbled the last seven words.

"It is my fault!" Tigress retorted. Po jumped a little at her sudden mood change. "I should have gotten my head together instead of just sitting there screaming!"

"Hey, easy!"

"I don't deserve to be a warrior!" Tigress clenched her paws into fists, making gouges in the wooden floor with her claws. "It was my duty to keep you idiots in line and I ended up getting really drunk and now I've become the biggest idiot of them all!"

"You're not an idiot!" Po replied soothingly and inched a little closer to her on the bed. "You're just a little drunk and it's making you act weird. Besides, out of all of us you've done the least amount of damage. You're still awesome, Tigress. You always have been."

Tigress looked up at him and they locked eyes.

"After all I've done to you since you came to the Jade Palace, you really think that?" she asked incredulously.

Po nodded with missing a heartbeat.

Tigress blinked once… twice… then suddenly leaned forward and pressed her lips to his.

Po's eyes bulged and he instinctively lifted his paws to her shoulders. He thought he heard the sound of a paint brush at the door, but was too preoccupied with a certain feline to take much notice.

Po's heart was racing, his paws gently pushing at Tigress's shoulders while his still alcohol-ridden mind screamed at him to take the sudden opportunity. In the end, the small part of his brain that had sobered up won, and he push enough for their lips to part. Tigress opened her eyes and locked them with Po's. She looked just as shocked as he was.

"Tigress…" Po said after a long silence. "Exactly how much did you drink?"

"Just ten itty bitty bottles." She replied with a blush.

"Maybe we should sleep off the rest of the wine." Po said, then quickly added. "In our own rooms."

"You're right…" Tigress said. She seemed about to say more when a trio of very wasted kung fu masters suddenly burst into the room.

"There you guys are!" Crane yelled, looking like a lanky vulture with a hat. "We're gonna crash the training hall! Wanna come?"

Before either Po or Tigress could refuse, what little soberness they had retreated to the backs of their heads, and the wasted panda and tiger followed their friends through the ruined corridor of the student barracks.


	15. Azure's Masterpiece

**This oneshot is a request made by Aidyl the Archer, featuring one of her OC characters, Azure. **

**Note to Aidyl: Sorry if this isn't to your liking; I'm very inexperienced with OC fics.**

* * *

"… So if we increase flexibility, we'd be able to pull off the Chao-Wa Punch Kick and the Stop-Hitting-Yourself technique within the space of five seconds, thus eliminating the need to completely rely ourselves on basic punches and kicks. On the other hand, if we increased durability and strength we'd be able to perform the offensive techniques that come with Tiger and Leopard style more easily. However, if we change our minds and increase body mass, we'd have greater capability for performing Panda style, which should justify the loss of the ability to perform Mantis, Snake and Crane style. If we change to improving speed, however, we'd have a greater capability for performing Mantis and Red Panda Style, even though we'd lose the ability to perform Tiger and Panda kung fu."

"Sounds cool." Pong said. "And your point is?"

Su shrugged.

"No point, I just thought it would be a good idea for an action figure."

Pong nodded in agreement.

"Where did Po tell us to meet him again?" Pong asked.

"In the training hall at sunset. He said there's something awesome that he and Azure want to show us." Su replied.

"Well we're standing outside the hall right now." Pong pointed to the large building they were standing in front of. "Why don't we go in early?"

"I don't know." Su said. "It's not sunset yet. What if they're not ready?"

"It'll be fine, Su. We'll just say we forgot what time we were supposed to come in."

"No, it's not a good idea."

"Why don't we just peek behind the door, then."

"I guess that's okay."

And so the two children crept up to the door, which was already open a crack, and peeked through.

"Look, there's Azure!" Pong said. "What is she doing?"

"It looks like she's bending. There's a pile of clay, a bucket of water, and a torch at the closest wall. Oh sorry, I'm doing it again! I'll shut up."

"It's okay, Su." Pong said. One of the things he liked about her was that even though she was super-smart, she didn't go around pointing it out. Besides, being unfamiliar with 'bending' he had no idea what exactly was going on. "You seem to have a better idea of what she's doing than I do. Why don't you commentate?"

"Uh, okay…" Su stared through the crack. "Right now, she's sending a stream of clay into the air… oh! She's sent it out of sight, I can't see what's she's doing!"

"Just tell me what you can see."

"She's making a lot of intricate movements with her arms. I think she's still controlling the clay. Ah, she's stopped. Now she's turning round. She's picking up a pair of wooden wing shaped objects. She's giving them to Po. Yep, he's there too." The pair of them could suddenly hear a slight squishing sound, as if someone was pressing something into a mound of mud. "Now she's controlling the fire from the torch… oh!"

"What is it?"

"Turn your face to the left so you can see better!"

Pong did as he was told. His jaw dropped.

"What's that firey tornado thing?!"

"That must be Azure's blazing tornado technique. She must be planning to dry the clay this way!"

"Where's it going? I can't see it anymore!" Pong said.

"She must have finished drying the clay." Su replied.

"What's she gonna do now?"

"I dunno… look! She's bending some paint!"

"Can you see what she's painting?"

"No, but I can see the colors are black… white… there's some yellow and red… oh, there's brown, now! She's moving out of her stance now. I think she's finished."

"How's that?" They heard the cheetah ask.

"This… is… AWESOME!" They heard Po's excited yell. "I'm gonna go get Su and Pong!"

Su and Pong ran the moment they heard Po's footsteps. When he opened the doors, he found the two children playing the training dummy in the courtyard.

"Hey, guys!" Po called to them. "D'you wanna come in now?

"Okay!"

"Yeah!"

Su and Pong rushed up the steps and followed Po into the training hall where they were met with an amazing sight.

"Whoa!" Pong gaped. "What's that?!"

"The world's biggest action figure!" Po grinned. "Technically it's a terra cotta warrior, but Azure couldn't control wood. What do you guys think?"

"This is so cool!" Pong rushed up to the giant figure and tried to resist the urge to touch it. "This looks just like you!"

"This is really great!" Su exclaimed happily. "What are those flaming things on its back?"

"Flaming wings!" Po cried with a flourish. "Just like I always wanted! Thanks a whole bunch, Azure!"

"Heh, no biggie." Azure replied with a grin.

"Po, what is this for?" Su asked.

"Well, since I couldn't break Mantis's speed record, I decided on something that better suited me!" Po replied.

"Couldn't you have just done something food related?" Su asked.

"Shifu forced me to take a diet, so no."

"Mister Po…" Su said slowly. "You do realize that since Azure made the statue, it's technically _her_ who's broken the record, right?"

Po blinked a few times, then pouted.

"Dang."

Azure laughed.

"I tried to warn him…" she said.


End file.
